Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
