I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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