apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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