Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
