I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
