he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
