that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
