you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
