I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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