Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
