Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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