She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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