Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
