She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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