do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
