Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
