I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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