y did u give ur computer a hand job?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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