We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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