overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
