i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
