Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
