You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
