This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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