He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize