My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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