I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
