come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just googled if crying burns calories
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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