i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
