A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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