I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
