How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
