That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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