I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
