i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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