There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
there is glitter all over my balls
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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