It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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