If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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