She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
