Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
