So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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