So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
