so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
