Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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