What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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