how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
