They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
