the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
