I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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