i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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