And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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