I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
