I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
