You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
