dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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