Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
