my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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