Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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