I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
