You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
