first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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