Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
