feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
