Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
