They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
