you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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