you would pick up someone in the library
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
