I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
