i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
