how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
