and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
